Monetary Dreams

Nov 15, 2014
4 min read

I don't think I'll ever understand people's obsession with money, their goals of chasing it. Has anyone realized that that chase is literally neverending?

Money isn't everything & it actually means just about nothing, & I'm gonna tell you why.

I'm 22 years old, I've graduated high school, served in the military, am using my military benefits & attending school for my bachelor's degree, I have my own place, my own money, run my own business in network marketing, currently in the process of launching my own personal corporation, working on dance & my music, & writing a book lowkey, traveling the world, currently Audi shopping - what more could I want, right? Most people look at that & say wow, that's great & you're so lucky. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm beyond grateful & appreciative for the blessings I've received, & for the people who pushed me to this point in my life along the way, but here's the thing.

As I sit here typing this at my dining room table, in my beautiful 1400 square foot home, Ed Sheeran in the background, contemplating what I'm going to cook for dinner in the back of my head - there's one thing missing. Loved ones.

I've burned so many bridges, cut so many people off for fear of their negative influences on me, been engaged & had more serious relationships than I even want to recount, & I don't let anyone too close to me because I don't want my heart to endure anymore pain than it already has. My biological father called me a few weeks ago to blatantly remind me that I'm alone. I'm alone, & I have no one. His cruelty hurt at first, but today, I realize he was right. His intentions were foul, but the message was dead on. The events of my life have led me here, & I went from trusting everyone to trusting no one because of the pain trust brought me in the past.

Here's the problem with that..

It's lonely at the top. & I don't even consider myself anywhere near the top yet. I gain a little bit of success & BONUS! Loneliness.

I promised myself a long, long time ago that I would never end up like my biological father. While he is insanely successful & has all the money he could possibly need, as if that's even enough for him, his life is empty. He has a family, but there's no real love. Everything is revolved around money.

I think it's actually harder to fall in love once you're even just a tiny bit successful. You don't know who's after you or your success. I've already been in that situation dozens of times. Guys want to date me because I'm independent & handle my own. When I was poor, still in Indiana, & had next to nothing, it seemed my life was full of love & relationships & surrounded by people. Most people don't want that, but the thing with that is, there's no question that it's true love when you're both poor & have nothing. That's true love - being able to love someone with nothing, at their lowest, most unsuccessful point, having nothing to offer but your heart.

I let go of a lot of people to get to where I am today, a lot. They just didn't have the same goals & dreams that I did. We were on totally different paths. It was one of those things where I had to choose to stay back in Indiana with those "friends" & "family" who at the end of the day, as much as I loved them, were holding me back, or I had to choose to toughen up, pack my bags, & embark on a journey alone.

It's a harsh reality. & the world is cold when you're alone. All I truly have on these empty nights is my work, my bible, & God. Without those three things, I would really have nothing. Sure I have friends, & amazing people in my life I care about, but I think you could understand, when you have people, but you don't. They're there, but only on certain days or certain occasions, or sometimes just when they need something or they randomly want to be. That's just life. We all have our own & our separate priorities & we can't be everyone's number one every single day.

I envy those who have found that one they're meant to be with forever. I've said it before, & I'll say it again - love is a choice - & it's a blessing & a half to find someone that chooses to love you back as much, if not more, as you love them.

Money can't buy you love. All money is, is a printed, green piece of paper. You can love it all you want, & live for it until you die, but it'll never love you back. You can't take any of it with you when you're dead. It's just a piece of paper, that's it. It means nothing. If you're chasing dreams that require money, then fair enough. I am too.. but if you're just chasing money because you think it'll fill that hole in your life, having that power, the ability to buy whatever you want in life, whenever you want - you're wrong. You'll still be empty. I've learned that & like I said, I'm not even at the top yet.

Success doesn't mean a thing if you have no one to share it with. & having someone to share it with doesn't mean a thing if you still value that piece of paper more than them. It's not about the money - it's about what you do with it.

- Kay