Getting Married
- Sep 8, 2015
- 4 min read
I originally titled this "Being Married." But I can't really talk about being married, until I address getting married.
Getting married is not an easy decision to make. Most people who haven't ever been married or anywhere near that path think that there's a proposal, you say yes, you plan a wedding, & TA-DA! Happily ever after.
No, no, no, & no.
I want to talk about why my husband & I got married. For those of you that know us, or know one of us - you were surprised. Some of you didn't even know either one of us had started dating again, let alone started a serious relationship. To you, it looked as if we met, fell in love, & got married in a matter of 3 months...
Well, you're right. We did. We met on Friday, January 30th in downtown San Diego. One day, I'll write about that hilarious night that goes along with our crazy story, but I'll save that for another blog. Anyway, January 30th. On February 11th we knew we loved each other. On February 14th, (yes, Valentine's Day), we posted on social media for the world to see that we were together. "Bye bye 2 year single streak!" I don't know how many times I said that in the next few weeks.
Shortly after I pointed out to him that I hadn't been to church since I'd met him. I'd been so wrapped up in him & us, & that was no bueno. I told him straight up, I can't be with someone that's going to keep me out of church. I plan to be with & marry someone that's going to encourage me & push me toward God, not pull me away from Him, & I refused to settle for less.
He was shocked, to say the least, but about three days later, he came to me & said, "Let's go to church this Sunday." & to church we went. He ended up loving it, & not only did he love it, he got saved that night. Our Pastor always gives the opportunity at the end of church for people to stand up & be saved, walk down to the alter & be prayed for. He stood up, grabbed my hand, & asked if I'd go with him.
I will never forget that day, or that moment. That moment was when I knew I was going to marry this man.
Fast forward to mid March & still going to church every Sunday, & we're feeling guilty. Living together, sex out of marriage, Pastor Miles indirectly telling us every service that "you know you're wrong!" That's where the discussion started. That's when the tough times started.
We're too young. It's only been 3 months. This is crazy. No, this won't work. There's no way. Maybe you should move out. Maybe I should move back to base. Maybe we shouldn't have gotten involved. Maybe this was a mistake.
Guilt. Shame. Sadness. That pretty much covers what I was feeling.
We fought, we argued, & then we prayed. & a few weeks later, on the way home, bawling my eyes out, not knowing what to do, my current husband comes to me & says, "I'm done. I'm tired of this. I've been so determined to do it my way & it's not working. It's time to do it God's way. I'm ready to do it God's way. I'm ready to marry you."
& Saturday, April 11th, 2015, at 11am, we were married on a beautiful beach, oceanfront, on Coronado Island here in San Diego, California.
Of course there were opinions. Of course there were judgments. But for those of you that are marrried, why did you get married? Why did you say yes? Was it for the dress, the glamour, & the praise? Or was it because it was what was right for your life?
Trust me, there's no judgments coming from my end. To each their own. But I wanted to make the point that getting married isn't about the wedding. The wedding is the celebration of the decision you've made under God that you're going to become one with your partner & live a life worthy of praise. It's not about how much praise your engagement & wedding gets - it's about the praise your marriage gets.
If you're marriage isn't setting an example for others, then I highly reccommend you reevaluate your situation. Because marriage isn't about the Facebook likes & the cute date nights & stories. It's about an everlasting committment to each other & to the people around you & to God that you have a plan, you have a goal, & together you're going to fight the good fight. Together you're going to fail, together you're going to succeed, together you're going to cry, together you're going to smile - what he/she goes through, so do you.
& no matter what - no matter the lies, the pain, the failures, the mistakes - no matter all the things that you're likely to go through in your marriage, divorce is not an option. Giving up is not an option. & once you've both made that decision (which we both made days before our wedding), there's no going back.
Sure, we've gotten angry & threatened divorce. Sure, we've said things we absolutely never mean. & we've lost supporters of our marriage due to them witnessing our craziness. & you know what, that's fine. Our marriage is ours & we don't need anyone to understand it. We didn't vow to please others. We vowed til death do we part.
Our struggles aren't even close to over. Marriage is hard. & we've learned that the beginning is the worst of it. We know that after a few more months of these initial newlywed struggles, that we'll be perfectly okay. Because no matter what, no matter how much we might say we hate each other some days, I put a ring on his finger & he put a ring on mine. & regardless of how people feel, it is what it is.
Getting married isn't a luxury, it's a decision. It's a lifestyle. It's a permanent committment. It's a paradigm shift. & it's forever.
- Kay
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